Well I'm A Sucker For Fine Cuban Cigars

The Problem Is I Can't Afford 'em

But Last Year I Went And Got Myself A Whole Box

And Just To Be Safe I Insured 'em



Chorus

I Took Out A Policy Against Fire And Theft

And Then I Hurried Home

With A Thirty-cent Lighter I Sat On My Back Steps

And I Smoked 'em One By One



Two Weeks Later I Went To See That Insurance Man

And I Handed In My Claim

With A Straight Face I Told Him That Through A Series Of Small Fires

They'd All Gone Up In Flames



2nd Chorus

They Reviewed My Case And They Had No Choice

But To Pay Me For What I'd Done

And I Took That Check And Bought A Whole New Box

And I Smoked 'em One By One



Two Weeks Later This Detective Shows Up

Tells Me That Company's Pressin' Charges

One Speedy Trial Later They Locked Me Up

On Twenty-four Separate Counts Of Arson



3rd Chorus

And Now I Sit And I Stare At A Blank Brick Wall

Lookin' Back On What I've Done

To Pass The Time I've Got Some Ten-cent Cigars

And I Smoke 'em One By One

Yeah, I Smoke 'em One By One