Mean Mister Mustard Sleeps In The Park
Shaves In The Dark Trying To Save Paper
Sleeps In A Hole In The Road
Saving Up To Buy Some Clothes
Keeps A Ten-bob Note Up His Nose
Such A Mean Old Man
Such A Mean Old Man

His Sister Pam Works In A Shop
She Never Stops, She's A Go-getter
Takes Him Out To Look At The Queen
Only Place That He's Ever Been
Always Shouts Out Something Obscene
Such A Dirty Old Man
Dirty Old Man