Don't Smoke, Don't Fight, Don't Light No Cigarettes
Or Else You'll Wind Up In The Can
No Jokes, Don't Write, Sit Tight, Don't Fool Around
You Are A Guest Of Uncle Sam
Stand Up, Look Right, Don't Slouch And Stand At Ease
Allow No Sex Above The Knees
When I Snap, You Jump Into The Master Plan

I'll Be Damned
Well, I'll Be Damned
I'll Be Damned
If I Drink Or Smoke
Damned, If I Steal Your Jokes
I'll Be Damned
If I Go For Broke
Damned If I Do
Damned If I Don't

Don't Talk, Don't Fool, Don't Try To Mess Around
I'll Make A Monkey Out Of You
You Sign Your Name Right On The Dotted Line, Boy

I'll Be Damned
I'll Be Damned
If I Drink Or Smoke
Damned
If I Steal Your Joke
I'll Be Damned
If I Go For Broke
Damned If I Do
I'm Damned If I Don't

Come On
I'll Be Damned
If I Drink Or Smoke
Damned
If I Steal Your Joke
I'll Be Damned
If I Go For Broke
I'm Damned If I Do
I'm Damned If I Don't

I'll Be Damned
If I Drink Or Smoke
Damned
If I Steal Your Joke
I'll Be Damned
If I Go For Broke
I'm Damned If I Do
I'm Damned If I Don't

I'll Be Damned
I'll Be Damned